Torn between the two worlds...

 I can't imagine the time when we were free , free to move, free to travel, free to do a lot of things which we rather took otherwise, then there came a time when you wish for all those simple things to occur to you which you didn't even bother about so much ! (Irony)

Living in a country other than your own, comes with benefits but also have their own set of cons. While we constantly evaluate them , one always finds the grass greener back home ( classic cliché isn't it). Having said all of the above , its been 2 years that I visited my country and almost that many years of having visited my parents and in-laws (because of the travel bans and other regulations)

So every year as soon as the scorching summer arrives in the Middle East it is  the time we splurge to plan  to go home and the summer holidays just aligns with plan. Hence next three months are  well placed back home, where things are easy not because it is my country but the thing that we are not solely responsible for the chores (well largely!)

The arrival back home for holidays is no less than a celebration and we all rejoice mutually. Parents are always overwhelmed  to have us and the kids around and then even we are carefree that they are learning in a different way with their grandparents ( we always believe as humans that we definitely learn with the change in place and circumstance) 

The feeling described above is very well understood by all the women who go to stay at their parent's house every year during holidays but believe me you just have to triple that feeling to know how it feels to be back home from a foreign land, although there are no extremities and Infact an easier life  but still the satisfaction just soars in lieu of our motherland.

As I mentioned its been 2 years that we have been to my parent's place, I feel nostalgic not only by listening to the news that the monsoons has arrived in India or the pictures of the street food we come across on Insta, and every little thing or memory associated with the summer holidays. Its like an yearly ritual that we hook upon and now it just feels empty.

We are into a pandemic and even more serious situation with the onset of the Kids' Summer Holidays starting this weekend (as it's tedious to keep them busy within the four walls), it is also that same time when we travel to India every year with numerous plans and plethora of smiles . Always torn between these two worlds of residence and roots that we overlap a lot many problems entwining them both .

This period in mankind is certainly going down in the history and so will go the agony of not been able to visit home, the deprivation of not being able to spend the fragile and naïve years of kids' childhood with their grandparents. We are not only loosing sanity but a time to connect and care , torn between the two worlds where I want to be and where I should be!

Pic courtesy: Google

The Constant hustle

I want you to take a deep breath before you read this , a broader mind and a clean slate perspective--

I look around and everyone is striving, so hard to make a mark, a unique mark where they feel that they are making  the most of themselves and justifying their talents with utmost might. A kind of persuasion  which never existed in the generation before this one ! The  former generation was full of satisfaction and was at ease...on the contrary this latter one is one with a constant hustle -- to do big , to do different and all the more to do something (at least) !

OK I got the point that you should do something with yourself, I completely align with the idea of exploring and keep doing. Infact we are doing extensively as individuals ,we are in a constant desire to prove something, sometimes our worth and sometimes our point of view. We try so so hard each day to be worthwhile even in the minutest of the ways, so my question here is Why??? Why do we have to prove our worth, what if we don't do nothing at all? What if I fall short? What if I am not productive at all?

As humans we have a tendency to move in herds or to follow a certain norms which others set, so once one of them starts the others follow even the lazy bums are influenced by the major mass of  the striving herd and fall in the trap of " Proving your worth". I sometimes feel that the olden times were better when there was no social media...nor the purchasing power...nor this invisible race where everyone is running at a fast pace even at the cost of tumbling down the hill!

The point I want to make through this blog is that if you have the desire and determination for some thing just do it but if not then " IT IS OK" , it is absolutely fine if you don't want to do anything or nothing interests you or even if you just do a  9 to 5 , or if you just sleep and eat to you heart's content "IT'S FINE!" Slow down, cherish yourself, take it easy, know what you  like, just keep reminding yourself how evolved  are you , draw boundaries , experience life and BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE . For judgements are the part of life and about comparisons  they are nothing but an unwanted tag !

Are we really irreplacable?

So many times we come across this statement in our varied relationships--"No one can take your place" or "you are irreplaceable "but how much do you think it stand true...are we really irreplaceable? People come and people go and their fond memories is what captivates us and make them stand out. All our lives we just keep knitting memories some good and some bad; we are known for some and almost forgotten for the other few. While building up all these memories we somehow setup a notion that we no longer can experience similar or better memories with any other person. Our brain stores them as the best of all thus we say that no one can take place of a particular person in our lives.
It seems so foolish to believe so. It takes away the chances of meeting someone new and completely ruins the chances of getting much closer too! I believe that our heart is too fragile and gullible to carry in line with the brain, maybe that's the reason why there are people who experience falling in love more than 1 time because heart carries on the seeking, of a likehearted soul.
The heartbreaks have changed thanks to facebook for cheering up and helping recovering faster,the falling in love has changed thanks to instagram to display it better , being together has become acceptable thanks to the tweeting trolls.Everything and everyone has lost its value and still the technology is helping us to survive.In midst of this if anyone says that "no one can take your place " i completely fail to rely.
The loyalties today are shaken up and the meaning of the words in today's life are lost and there is no way to get those back, and ofcourse each one of us are replacable in thus volatile world! I hope i differ to agree later on this but thats the hard fact to accept.

Parenting Archetype

The many manifestation we infuse in our parenting style , we still fall short to achieve the impeccable one!
Of all the parenting styles we have been seeing through the years.We as young and new parents pick up an al-a-carte of the parenting,learning largely from our own parents and choosing up the best bits from our neighbourhood,discarding the dont's and inculcating the do's to achieve a favourable parenting package.Its a mammoth task ,and discretionary too! Some are too particular and the others are desultory but still everyone is judgemental about it.
But the fact remains that you learn everyday in everyway either from your own mistakes or observing the others. Then you realise there is nothing called an 'Archetype' in parenting. Its a lifestyle you opt atleast till the 20 year project ends!One of the yogic leaders  recently said that having kids is a 20 yr project, thats true too but as Indians we just keep pulling the strings until we can,because we are scared to let go off.
As a helicopter mom hovering over the kids for almost everything starting from implanting a morning ritual in kids to making them thanking God in the night before they sleep, all this to shape them up to make them what we are not today but could have been!
Parenting is indeed tricky and it grows with the stages...with a preschooler and baby-cum-toddler ,i have realised that only one way is not "the" way...you have to hit and miss and again hit and miss and finally you catch up with the formula.
Parenting is a practice...which makes you better with time like a wine,sometimes you have to deal with it even when you have no energy  to think about it, and sometimes it just flows with the criterion of being yourself.
An archetype is difficult to construct as you are restrained with people around to  judge...the world around whose moving so fast...the technology around which is so demanding ....a nuclear household which entirely depends on you...a career which has been waiting for a while getting distant everytime you look at it...smart kids with an atomic absorption rate..grandparents( a great source of learning )and grandchildren so far apart that only meet once or twice a year.Basically the 2 kiddos are only on disposal of their Mom and Dad for the wisdom of life..which is unfair on the parenting part!
And by the way for the parenting package i have chosen is so far so good with the way i have learnt to relax a bit, imbibe a bit..take it slowly one bit at a time...enjoy your young motherhood and try to shape them the best you can without setting the archetype...just let them follow their heart, urge them to be grounded , imbue them with humbleness and never let them forget their roots...all the best guys and make your own archetype...Happy parenting!

Being Mum of 2 boys

If given a chance of another life would you choose the same life like this?? I'll say no not at all, except some reservations and particularity i am ready to keep it all!
To sail with 2 kids on a boat even the quietest of the sea becomes the roughest of all and with both of them being boys adds the cherry on the cake. There is  a sudden total paradigm shift in your moods as well as your lifestyle with 2 of them by your side.
The sun rises up earlier and sets so late that a 6 hours sleep is a rare phenomenon. You have to get up when they get up and take power cat naps in between to compensate the night sleep. You cannot eat lunch later than 12 because the younger one   has to catch up with his  infant sleep...You can't dine out later than 7 in the night because the elder one has to catch up the sleep for to reach school on time tommorow.
Staying a country where summers reach a mark of 55 degrees and winter see a temperature as minimum of 2 degrees,technically you are stuck at home major time of the year..winters are no longer my favourite because with winters comes a tension of the kids falling sick and even if one of them falls sick, then it goes into the loop with each one of them. Summers are equally harsh with nothing outdoor and passing the time of the kiddos at home.
Its been a while i have slept a continous 6 hours sleep...enjoyed even a single meal...watched a movie in theatre...gone for shopping alone without a baggage...out on lunch date with friends...gone for holidays and even my favourite hobby of craft and writing has taken a back seat ,still i am glad about it at the end of the day thinking that how the chaos of this day has gotten  over,i am learning everyday equipping my self with the art of feeding solids (whether it be singing,playing,cruising)to my one  year old at the same time handling the tantrums and disciplining my 4 year old .
So much on my list with this beginning of a new year from loosing the baby belly,meditation , weaning, potty training and so on  lets see how far we reach, in this new year...for now i am just looking forward to being a  better Mommy..and there is absolutely nothing in the world i wanna trade for this mommy life!

*Respect my space*

Know me or don't, respect my space...
However much you care about me...there are some decisions which only I can make..
There are times I want to cry...let me cry..it might soothe my pain
There are times I want to hibernate...let me be ...it might sort my mind..
There are times I want to to go on a shopping spree...let me do the retail therapy. ..it might bring a smile on my face..
There are times I want to be crazy...let me have the moment of madness...it might bring me nearer to the child in my heart..
There are times when I want to be quiet...let me zip up...it might put on peace to my inner ghosts..
There are times I want to write...let me pen down...it might help to regain myself...
There are times I want to make a point ...let me make one...it might rest my wandering mind...
There are times I want to runaway...let me walk a mile....it might stop an ongoing arguement...
There are times I want to talk to you..let me talk...it might end my deepest fears.
There are times I want to fight...let me quarrel...it might put an end to my dispair..
There are times I want to watch the stars on the beach...let me catch a glimpse of them...it might  relieve me from a stressful day...
There are times I want to just be with you ...be with me...it might make my day...
There are times I don't want to be judged..spare me...it might change my point of view for you...
There are times I want to be in the past...let me recall....it might remind me what I actually am...

My questions to mankind.

While I was reading a story to my little one yesterday...a tear trickled down my eyes realising the agony of the mothers whose kids never returned home! Never did they thought that the kid will never come back , nor did anyone imagined even in their dreams to such massacre to happen . 

The pain is unbearable and no pain is equivalent to the pain of loosing a child...a child whom you have raised and watched over for more than dozen years.
An infant whom we teach how to walk and talk...the toddler whom we teach how to paint and write....the kid whom we teach all the manners and the way of life..the teenager whom we guide how to imbibe and shape your life...all the stages, hopes, desires gets buried in a single day

Its like the way you have lived all your life for someone and that someone is just gone (vanished) much before hos time with so many things unsaid and undone leaving no motive behind for parents to live.The pain in the hearts of the parents are strongly felt and empathised with.

Now how they wish of not sending the kid to the school that day....or the parents whose kids were sick and were at home must be thankful to God a million times. My heart goes out to every mother qho had experienced a loss with a magnitude so great like this....as their world is shaken up and destroyed.

Past ghosts are revisited everytime with more brutal tragedy, but till what lenght can this barbarism can be taken ?  Its not a tragedy to a single nation but to the whole world, a display of how incompetent we are in terms of safeguarding the citizens or for that matter our mother earth.

What has happened to the humanity...what's wrong with the basic rules. There is no place in the world who don't give prefrence to women and children safety. But why is that prefrence is only talked about and never used or handled ?Why as nations we are so weak that anyone can harm the softer part of the society?Why can't we build a carefree world where kids get their share of  childhood.. adolescence and youth?
Why can't we make a safer planet for women to trot around the globe without being feared of nuisance? Why can't we avoid such onslaught to the innocents?

These are my questions to the mankind as a whole and not to a particular nation...region or religion. Why can't such incidents be taken up much above as the problem of the world instead of the particular nation's emergency ! Why can't these incidents just stop or resolved forever...

RIP: All the little and pure souls #Peshawar attack