Being an Ordinary parent in these Extraordinary times

Being a mother of two boys ,aged 5 and 8 , I was enthralled and baffled upon hearing this pandemic outbreak. It started in December in China and since then almost all countries are battling with it now, as the cases arrived here in our country,the schools got closed in the third week of February hoping to open April and now extended till October . Earlier hearing this news as a parent I was intimidated and then I understood the fragility of it!

Well, as parents also we were not ready to handle such a preposterous event, suddenly we are expected to fit into a lot of roles along with being a parent like a teacher, friend,coach etc . Not only pondering over the academic shortcomings but also of the extra circular activities which the kids are now devoid of! I felt an urge of devising a plan to keep them updated with their academic level as well as keeping them carefree and loved in this difficult times.

Hence It drains my energy everyday thinking of how else can I make a day better and fruitful for these kids.Limiting screen timings, finding books to read for them, researching on a new craft, keeping up with a bit of academics too !But that's just one part of the play and I have another parts too to play as well, where I have to manage my baking venture, home and mountain of other daily tasks and responsibilities.I am sure a lot of the Moms must be feeling the same as me that we are depicting  Noah  from the Noah's ark --stocking up, keeping calm and handling the kids keeping them indoors.

First of all take it easy, breathe and don't be so hard on yourself as a parent, you have to provide all of it but it is really not humanly possible.Therefore stop being guilty of what you are not able to provide,  but yes educate them about the problem and tell them that they are safe and loved.Take one step at a time to keep them engaged , as we are bound to more and more social distancing .Plan one activity a day and bifurcate it into series of  activities on the same topic throughout the day.

Kids take up lot of our energy and generally its hard to keep them bounded to a thing for a long time. But, well if you give a little structure to their day and they will be sorted and happier. I am huge fan of "routines" and adhere to them strictly enough.Hence I started with making a routine for them where we do similar things at similar time every day whether it be creative time..bed time..reading time..learning time, and their beloved screen time. Almost a month now that the school closed we are still sticking to routines and its helping me to be sane for sure.

Despite being a referee to my kids' fights everyday I still wonder how they get so much energy to fight about every petty thing, and I realized that imagine if that energy is not being able to invest in right directions! These are hard times but we can learn many things and make them learn it too. There are a many online platforms available to keep them engaged. Of all, its the best time to introspect and teach them the best, on life and being a better human being,  also about their environmental responsibilities.

We don't know how long and how far we will be into it,as these staggering times are difficult and much challenging to deal with kids . These are out testing times and also of building up our pile of patience to handle everything around.

I know we have too much on our plates as a person, but let that not vent out out and reflect on kids, instead let this free time for kids be a creative and educative one, with lessons they learn from us each day and what we choose to make them do.

Happy Parenting! 

Parenting - The second time

When my first one was born i was on the cloud 9 you know that excitement to become the parents for the very first time, you want be the perfect with all the firsts .Starting from feeding them till umpteen number of hours, reading story books,making them brush twice,teaching them all the GK they can like shapes ..numbers..letters,getting them all kind of toys,loading them with the newest fashion, you know like you want to be a perfect parent.

Then after you complete all the cliched cycles of potty training, breastfeeding, terrible twos ,teething and cleaning all the pukes and poops in between as you come out of the first time mommy depression ,thats when you think that the your first born needs a company and then you get into this vicious circle of parenting the second time.. and believe me there lies a trap!

My second one came when my first one  was 3.3 years old, and it was damn tough for me...although many people do in a much lesser difference than this but God only knows how they manage... so now i had two little boy bunches with my handsful i set on a brigade called motherhood..by the way the word 'Mother' has an army on its own...where somehow you get super powers of Hindu Goddesses like spinning on your feet around the kids with 2 hands working like 10 extended hands in one single day around varied tasks..

When my second one arrived we were on cloud 9 again....it felt complete and enticing .First few months were like a honeymoon ...i  loved to cuddle and snuggle the baby...because i knew that the time will fly and he will outgrow my lap...as the time went i  learnt so much ; my second one is  a much difficult child...he would regress to sleep..eat and pacify. But that stage also passed on with a hope of a better tommorow..

Then came a time when my first one started his preschool and the younger one started walking it was a chaos with whom to handle first and then you learn the art of attending them on single turn basis...but come on my elder one was just 4 how could i expect him to be that understanding but he did...he somehow got matured by the face of the situations...

As the time went my elder one was 5 and the younger one was 1.5 there were different hardships but we had fun as a team! My younger one was teething...trying to talk...trying to eat  on his own while my elder one was learning languages (read and write) at school..i could somehow manage to catch up with my nap and other interests when my younger one used to sleep ( which was hardly an hour with a gap of every 10 min in between to put him to sleep all over again) and i learnt how to manage ...my time and theirs...believe me even 24 hours seem less to me even now..
So today my elder one is 6 and the younger one  is 2.9 and the challenges have multiplied now i know what it is to be a mother of two boys...fighting for the same toy , tv remote (switching between baby tv and Nickelodeon) and numerous other things ...where you cant choose side and the gyan of sharing doesn't suffice...but i get more time of my own as the younger one goes to a play school but he still keeps me on toes..his cuddles are amazing, the way he just circles around me the whole day is flattering and annoying at the same time...

There are days of disagreement, scolding, frustration,wearout but when they both are not around even for 2 hours i miss them alot..they are more of my buddies than my boys..everyday i am learning patience, compassion ,being a listener,a referee ,a pacifier and still holding my senses together at the end of the day..watching them sleep brings a smile on my face with a full day's flashback.

But i must confess that the second time parenting is much of a cheating than the first one..the efforts are definitely less..the dedication is reduced because you have two to look forward too ... but the younger siblings still are always smarter,they learn quicker and  know their way out and the irony is you know it as a parent but still you don't do much about it..you just pass it on...being a more stronger ,smarter parent.

Mom's Missing report : Tv Remote

The Motherhood this time has been quite an adventure as if i am playing all the  treasure hunts at one time  of all the 30 years combined together..Being a MBA in Retail (the degree has been depreciated though) a thought got clicked....why not connecting Motherhood with RFID technology...LOL
For all those who are thinking what this RFID tag means , they are radio frequency identification tags which with the help of electromagnetic field can be identified or tracked ! So if i tag few of my important things ,atleast some of my treasure hunts will subside! 
You must be thinking that I am really going bonkers...yes motherhood has taken a toll on me but i am completely sane (atleast as of now ;)) Ok so here is the deal...My younger kid is an active toddler...sometimes hyper too. So he just keeps anything anywhere...anywhere includes the garbage bag too!! Hence i have surrendered with all my strength in finding things every now and then..
The latest item (one of the items)which has been missing is my TV remote (myTV is definitely jinxed,it just got repaired last to last week). There is no nook and corner in my house which is left to be searched, its like cleaning up the house for Diwali! But all efforts futile and its still missing...i wish i was gifted with RFID tags on my baby shower ! The tags would have secured my Remote and helped to me track it..
Remote is the latest as i said my mini router, my phone , his sipper, all his elder brother's stationery etc has all been gone through with this hide and seek..
How i wish they link the RFID with Motherhood as you are the most forgetful and restless of all times..and believe me with so much happening around with my hands full i can barely remember  where was it last seen and neither do I have a clue where it could be...
I wish he starts speaking early to tell me the wherabouts of a lot of my possessions till then i am going to just keep my fingers cross and keep guessing where all my stuff can be...

Handling the Mom's factor

While writing this I am somehow managing to play Snakes and Ladders with my 4.5 year old as well as with my 1 year who is pulling my hair with all the force he could...I decided to write on being a multitasking mother.. Sometimes I wish I had atleast 6 flexible hands instead of 2 fixed ones to handle the pressure called for, in that case I could write with my two hands and the other two can cook and the rest 2 could take the tantrums of these kids..but lesser that we know what we are capable of suddenly comes in the light with Parenting.
Okay I am a stay at home Mom.. and I chose it, taking care of my kids and subsiding my career, don't be judgmental about it as I can do more things of my interest like blogging, baking, reading and ofcourse the daily chores comes along..as a kid my Mom never thought that I would be a good indian wife because I really sucked at cooking, I hated all clothes related chores and on top of that i was in hostel for fairly more amount of time than at my home. But with time my interest flaired and thanks to motherhood to fill in the gaps.. Then and now I came a long way learning to handle so much in so less.
There are so many days when the day seems so long and tough ,then there are other days when the hugs and kisses make the day shorter...having 2 boys under one roof with one of them being a naughty toddler I sometimes ran out of ideas to make them happy as well as to keep my interests intact with the energy draining out.
I am adviced a lot of times to hire Nannys. ..cooks...full time maid..but somehow I fail to keep up with the idea.Being SAHM is difficult and it really takes everything out of you starting from your day's piece of mind to your night's sound sleep! Frankly you just lose it everyday for a while but the rest of the time, just makes up for it😊
All the stay at home Mom's don't loose hope..you are doing the best 24*7 job in the world but in the midst don't forget yourself and keep following your passion...whether it is tiniest of anything...it will soon become a place of vent out and a change!A place u will feel rejuvenated and happy about.

Parenting Archetype

The many manifestation we infuse in our parenting style , we still fall short to achieve the impeccable one!
Of all the parenting styles we have been seeing through the years.We as young and new parents pick up an al-a-carte of the parenting,learning largely from our own parents and choosing up the best bits from our neighbourhood,discarding the dont's and inculcating the do's to achieve a favourable parenting package.Its a mammoth task ,and discretionary too! Some are too particular and the others are desultory but still everyone is judgemental about it.
But the fact remains that you learn everyday in everyway either from your own mistakes or observing the others. Then you realise there is nothing called an 'Archetype' in parenting. Its a lifestyle you opt atleast till the 20 year project ends!One of the yogic leaders  recently said that having kids is a 20 yr project, thats true too but as Indians we just keep pulling the strings until we can,because we are scared to let go off.
As a helicopter mom hovering over the kids for almost everything starting from implanting a morning ritual in kids to making them thanking God in the night before they sleep, all this to shape them up to make them what we are not today but could have been!
Parenting is indeed tricky and it grows with the stages...with a preschooler and baby-cum-toddler ,i have realised that only one way is not "the" way...you have to hit and miss and again hit and miss and finally you catch up with the formula.
Parenting is a practice...which makes you better with time like a wine,sometimes you have to deal with it even when you have no energy  to think about it, and sometimes it just flows with the criterion of being yourself.
An archetype is difficult to construct as you are restrained with people around to  judge...the world around whose moving so fast...the technology around which is so demanding ....a nuclear household which entirely depends on you...a career which has been waiting for a while getting distant everytime you look at it...smart kids with an atomic absorption rate..grandparents( a great source of learning )and grandchildren so far apart that only meet once or twice a year.Basically the 2 kiddos are only on disposal of their Mom and Dad for the wisdom of life..which is unfair on the parenting part!
And by the way for the parenting package i have chosen is so far so good with the way i have learnt to relax a bit, imbibe a bit..take it slowly one bit at a time...enjoy your young motherhood and try to shape them the best you can without setting the archetype...just let them follow their heart, urge them to be grounded , imbue them with humbleness and never let them forget their roots...all the best guys and make your own archetype...Happy parenting!

The saga of Stay at home mommy (SAHM)

Of all the things i have done so far in the last 3 decades being SAHM (stay at home mommy) is the most toughest one (you know like round the clock mommy kinds)
I am sleepy..crancky...sometimes starved and my clothes are full of drool n smell like baby food. Inspite of the fact that i hate the time is flying and my both  boys will soon be grownups , i loose it sometimes..on verge of my breaking  point  i remind myself not raise my voice (allthough i do shout afterthat) but that happens when your house becomes like the one on doomsday  with toys, balls,cars and miniature superheroes lying scattered in the house in a way that daily life becomes a treasure hunt!
So basically everyday life teaches you so much with these kiddos around , specially with two and no househelp except cleaning(as if it stays that clean by the end of the day)..we are expats here and since i don't have a license i can hardly take the kids outside (although the weather outside is equally responsible for not steeping out) that means that we are looking at the same 4 walls 5 days a week which can be be really tiring and absolutely boring.
Sticking both my boys together takes my sanity and a whole day of blabbering no's and spilling instructions from my bag of rules and the in between good time while the brotherly love overflows i borrow my time for writing,thanks to the technology these days i really can't figure out yet that how the SAHM survived before smartphones and internet.
The days approaching are looking all the more difficult to me as my 10 month old is already walking pulling out drawers..utensils...spilling water..throwing balls..pulling my hair (literally too )its going to be a hrll of a task.Parenting teaches you so much every single day with every single child from reframing rules rephrasing dialogues making them more mannered or associating them with fear to do a certain thing (believe me thats the only way you can make them do certaim things),rescheduling your lunches..shopping..writing ...cooking (infact peeing too at times),rearranging the room...the lower shelves ,the last drawers,the toy boxes and every nitty gritty of your life.
Making deeper friendship bonds is equally difficult ,although i am a people's person still it seems impossible with this phase of life,with the husband travelling most of the time only coffee n my phone  are left as my main rescuer in the given condition.
Hope the coming days keep me calm and sorted so i can ingest my boys with humblesness and creativity..i do miss my independence and sanity but that doesn't takes away from me the fact that how much i love spending time with my boys and...being a round the clock MOM!

Of crazy parenting days

Sitting in my living room besides my favourite window with a cup of coffee and a dusty day (part of being in a middle east country)not much minutes have passed since i put down my infant to sleep and sent the elder one to school..its the best time to buy for myself..it is a golden period  of silence and melancholy, apparently the only time when my brain works!
Pondering about how the life's trending...how crazy we have become and what mad house are we raising...questioning my own parenting style...n anxious about the time which is flying so fast...so much to teach and imbibe...n they are growing too fast.
So much to do with the kids that a day seems less although the moms of our generation no longer are dedicated, devoted and sacrificing like the previous generation moms. Icing on cake is the multiple gadgetry available to keep us all the more restless n pointblank thus giving a setback to the parenting style. I think thats why the babies also are packed in the womb with the same swiping and touch style,they respond so quickly. Anyways the constant question of being a good parent or coping up with the round of advices all over the place is tedious.
I have come across a lot of parenting articles where they give you the whole gyan of how to do and what not to do,when i was having my first one i was swearing by each one of those but now with my second one i have reached to a point where i want keep it really simple and instinctive..
Their are many new parents like us out there who feel miserable not being able to follow the so called ways...to soothe...to put them to bed...to make them burp...to potty train...to wean off and what not. So try this out next time you feel miserable...be simple and go by your instincts. You know your baby the best from day one...not all babies are same and the standardization is troubling!
Wean when you feel assured by the outside nutrition not when people tell you to,potty train when the child is ready not when you are pressurised to teach...let them take the bottle till they dont learn to sip..just go with the flow and let the baby be a baby!
Your baby tells you everything its just how do you decipher the indication.Keep a schedule,keep them close to your taste (food),keep them warm,trust your instincts and when in doubts choose your children rest everything can be chosen  later. Stay in tune with those articles too but don't swear by them...don't forget its not  science just the affection keeps it good and going.