The first hand second time MOMMY experience

Ok ok...I dnt recieve calls...I dont make calls...I m totally lost with my thoughts and uttetly forgetful because I am a new MOM! And its like becoming a first time Mumma all over again with bag full of tantrums and arms full of hugs.
The stork visited and gifted us our new bundle of joy...a baby boy! We waited for him for all 9 months..eagerly to cuddle and hug him for hours together..
Although my first born is 3.5 years old so the experience was not that old still this was like the first time ever again....its true you think since you have dealt with it ...its going to be much easier but every child is different and so is happening with us...
The nights seem longer and the days busier, we knew its not going to be easy and were fueled about the same from all the people  around..and it is tough and everyday is a new day with so much learning...to make the elder one comfortable and compatible with the baby...struggling with my own body..at the same time looking around the household chores and playing with my attention seeking preschooler!The most amusing thing being a mother is the fact that when I want to sleep the most my boys want to play the most...when I am free to play with them like while writing this now they are fast asleep....when I want to eat then only they remember their potty business...when I am very busy they seek my attention the most...as soon as I step in my shower one of them cries for no reason...when I am expecting to behave their best is where they test my patience...

Believe me its more than a handful and overwhelming , still worth it, worth the experience of watching them grow day by day...life is not personal anymore neither are the hobbies more engaging..so much to look forward to in a day that your stuff gets a setback. By the word your stuff I mean that that stuff can wait, and a lot of other things cannot .
Life has a new address...a new direction...a new challenge and there is so much to learn in this thankless stay at home mom's job. I am doing it for myself and these kiddos of mine...they say that early 5 years of child's life is very crucial and fudamental for their brain's architecture , it directly impacts their personal and social behaviour...so I m trying to put whatever I have in me to shape them..
The warmth, the gurgles, the smile, the cuddles are totally worth it although both of them are giving me a heck of a time...but at the end of it everything is upto my heart's content...Absolutely thrilled and loving this first hand second experience of mine.

*Respect my space*

Know me or don't, respect my space...
However much you care about me...there are some decisions which only I can make..
There are times I want to cry...let me cry..it might soothe my pain
There are times I want to hibernate...let me be ...it might sort my mind..
There are times I want to to go on a shopping spree...let me do the retail therapy. ..it might bring a smile on my face..
There are times I want to be crazy...let me have the moment of madness...it might bring me nearer to the child in my heart..
There are times when I want to be quiet...let me zip up...it might put on peace to my inner ghosts..
There are times I want to write...let me pen down...it might help to regain myself...
There are times I want to make a point ...let me make one...it might rest my wandering mind...
There are times I want to runaway...let me walk a mile....it might stop an ongoing arguement...
There are times I want to talk to you..let me talk...it might end my deepest fears.
There are times I want to fight...let me quarrel...it might put an end to my dispair..
There are times I want to watch the stars on the beach...let me catch a glimpse of them...it might  relieve me from a stressful day...
There are times I want to just be with you ...be with me...it might make my day...
There are times I don't want to be judged..spare me...it might change my point of view for you...
There are times I want to be in the past...let me recall....it might remind me what I actually am...

SOS - Unwanted Advices

Disclaimer: Only for the unwanted advisors in my life

Ok...so however much you ignore , you are ought to recieve an advice from someone or the other on something or the other..I am not saying advices are not good, they are fairly good and sometimes a headturner too, I look forward to it being the youngest in my family but I would love to get it from people I know, or from people I ask for it!

The best free gift anyone on this earth can give you are the "ADVICES" ( I am so done with this word). The most annoying part is I have got advices from almost all sorts of people even from strangers ....from my house help lady...from people I don't know in the lift...from the people I have not seen before on the road..from the distant relatives I had never ever met....from a friend who never keeps in touch with my life exactly ( technically not a friend anymore) ...I am sure most of us face this problem of unwilling diving in this ocean of unwanted advices..

Do you think the kind of people giving away the advices mentioned above really ( I mean really) give you a worthwhile chunk of information... without the knowledge of the background, lifestyle, my way of living, or for that matter what kind of a person I actually am!

The irony is there are times you just want people around you ( dearr ones) to listen...to absorb your emotions without being judgemental and giving away the advices. ..just a "lISTENER". The issue might be silly or i might i have a solution all ready for it, but i just want to pour it out my heart and mind..I m expecting a positive vibe and that it to it.But alas...

OK! Taken you must have crossroads with a similar situation and you kind of have a hold on it, but I am a different person with different opinions , how can I use the same strategy to overcome the same situation being altogether a different person...and frankly even you will not do the same  strategy again if it came on you....simply because of the reason that you learn everytime with every experience, and keep the pointers ready to avoid if they come next time...

Noone can expect anyone to behave the same as they did in their time of crisis..ya guidance is definitely seeked and thats how advices come into the picture..Now you would say its on you how you take that advice whether you want to keep or chuck it away, but words have such an impression that even if we want to chuck it away our extra sensitive mind keeps it in some corner stored as an information which always diverts us in a negative horizon...

Advices are welcomed but from the people who know me from in and out rest however much you claim to know me I am changing everyday , I am not the person Iike I was even the last year. Finally at the end i firmly believe that one has to walk in one's own shoes with their own feet gathering one's own strength after determining their  own destiny in their own circumstances!

The last dusk of 2014

Again the clock is ticking....
Another moment of goodbye...
A new year to start with...
Lot of moments on standby...

My wats app is flooded with people saying sorry and thank u for whatever they have done in 2014... and also advices of all sorts on how to start the new year....what to enjoy the best and neglect the worst. Phew!

People who were not even the part of my life in 2014 have also texted me regarding the way to live...thanks to whats app otherwise people would have literally faded from our lives!  But on rethinking I came across a thought of why all concerns at the end of anything when its the time to depart?  Realisation only sunks in with the end ...even self actualisation for that matter. On the last dusk of 2014 we are guilty..sorry and what not about the damn year however as the night will fall the  party is definitely going to be on (what an irony)

Of whatever promises and resolution people make for the new year doesnt last till the end of January itself because we know its a beginning and we have ample of time for all of that clutter, soon it becomes a habit, the year flies with the conclusion of sorrys and thankyous to everyone at the last dusk of the year.
I am not being offensive..I love such wishes  and messages from friends and acquaintances but I have a heart filled with remorse for a lot of things and excited about a few too with this last dusk of the scraming year.

Gathering the thoughts hustling in my mind and a bag of mixed feeling attached along for 2014,I hope that the dawn of the new year brings miracle..fulfill wishes and proves the best for each one of us. The resolutions you are sticking to should stay with you till the year end ,what about me ?  The only resolution I  want to make for myself  is  to stay happy and connected with my loved ones always:) Cheers to 2015...

My questions to mankind.

While I was reading a story to my little one yesterday...a tear trickled down my eyes realising the agony of the mothers whose kids never returned home! Never did they thought that the kid will never come back , nor did anyone imagined even in their dreams to such massacre to happen . 

The pain is unbearable and no pain is equivalent to the pain of loosing a child...a child whom you have raised and watched over for more than dozen years.
An infant whom we teach how to walk and talk...the toddler whom we teach how to paint and write....the kid whom we teach all the manners and the way of life..the teenager whom we guide how to imbibe and shape your life...all the stages, hopes, desires gets buried in a single day

Its like the way you have lived all your life for someone and that someone is just gone (vanished) much before hos time with so many things unsaid and undone leaving no motive behind for parents to live.The pain in the hearts of the parents are strongly felt and empathised with.

Now how they wish of not sending the kid to the school that day....or the parents whose kids were sick and were at home must be thankful to God a million times. My heart goes out to every mother qho had experienced a loss with a magnitude so great like this....as their world is shaken up and destroyed.

Past ghosts are revisited everytime with more brutal tragedy, but till what lenght can this barbarism can be taken ?  Its not a tragedy to a single nation but to the whole world, a display of how incompetent we are in terms of safeguarding the citizens or for that matter our mother earth.

What has happened to the humanity...what's wrong with the basic rules. There is no place in the world who don't give prefrence to women and children safety. But why is that prefrence is only talked about and never used or handled ?Why as nations we are so weak that anyone can harm the softer part of the society?Why can't we build a carefree world where kids get their share of  childhood.. adolescence and youth?
Why can't we make a safer planet for women to trot around the globe without being feared of nuisance? Why can't we avoid such onslaught to the innocents?

These are my questions to the mankind as a whole and not to a particular nation...region or religion. Why can't such incidents be taken up much above as the problem of the world instead of the particular nation's emergency ! Why can't these incidents just stop or resolved forever...

RIP: All the little and pure souls #Peshawar attack

Do you standup for yourself?

We as human beings have been so closely knit with the society and people around that sometimes we forget our own identity ..likes...desires..freedom.
.opnions...choices...even the daily frame of things!

Being emotional and not that strong headed I fear everyday of being diminished, I fear to loose out my voice behind the opinions, I fear to be numb and mentally blocked where my mind is driven my other people's decision. I have to constantly remind myself to stand by my beliefs and choices.

We are always taught to live an ideal life and not what we wish to live, and this notion is imbibed so well in us that as a parent I expect the same from my kid, n off late I realised that I am scraping off my son's own personality but expecting idealism from him. I am now trying to let him be what he is ofcourse the mistakes and tantrums are unacceptable but I want him to take his own shape..

Influences are everywhere  whether with friends, relatives or neighbours ; but influences should be welcomed according to you is most appropriate in your nature of things! The rights and wrongs of anything  are still undefined and much debated about. So listen to your heart and go with the flow!

I have experienced this that everyone suits to their own convenience stand by yourself and suit your requirements , this is how it goes in life,  because everyone is experiencing their own situations which are individualistic and too different.

Next time you feel shy, judgemental or opinionated please feel free to put your feet down and stand for yourself , you have seperate boundaries...liberties and likes , even if people around you don't agree to your taste give a damn and stand for yourself  even if you are standing alone ..cheers!

Agony of the sweet tooth

What I am going to write today is what alot of people will be suffering through- the agony of the sweet tooth...as everyone knows that diabities has really taken over a lot of humanity in its clutches making people incapable of producing enough insulin for rest of their lives.
Actually it is a hopeless scenario and until my blood picked up some traces of sugar I never realised the torture which a diabietic goes through! So when I found out about the traces and the fair chances of having it in future I became more concious and  started researching about this whole clumsy diet stuff...which restricts you for anything delicious in life:(
Suddenly I was counting  my carbs...proteins ..fat and all the other components of a specific food item..it was tiring as well as eye opening...all this while the sweet tooth was blamed for having this condition but unfortunately it can hppen to anyone with or without the sweet tooth..I want to admit that my weight have been always on the plumpier side, got a lot of suggestions , advices and bribes to get skinner but I loved my self the way I was, never worried about these nasty carbs etc..but the traces have really pushed me to read the calorie facts, to eat on time, to eat in portions, and above all eat healthy!
Phew...I crave for so many things, but have to keep control and check of what I eat...now I sympathize with all of them around me who have this situation and realise the agony of the taste buds ,sweet tooth.I remember my grandmother injecting insulin before meals , then as a kid it never seemed so hassling but now even to think about taking it is devastating!
  I know things will not get that worst still this impaired disease really takes away your freedom to eat! Currently I am very disheartened and feeling cheated by the work done by my pancreas, and definitely I am not going to give this organ of mine an appraisal this time , with a hope of working better in coming days, the feeling has not sunk in and  i hope it settles well with all the people too who are going through this agony! Last piece of advise for all the people who take it lightly..pls keep a track of your glucose levels and remove the myth that it happens to those who eat sugar!