Oh Womania!

And whenever I look around I find women struggling. We (women) are some how taught to be patient and bearing...we are taught to adjust fiercely till the last drop of our courage and brevity..we are everything but ourselves...
Women are always pushed to do things mostly they don't like or encourage but still on the cost of self depletion they carry on the burdened task. Why the nature is like that where a  woman has to suffer more than men...what society is this if we have rules where women is only one responsible for household even if she works?what kind of parenting are we doing when we tell her that you have to adjust?when we talk about equality why dont we start with equality in gender realted works.
My heart goes out to women who live a life they are not even aware of what they are missing or what else they could be..Then there are women who know all that is wrong but just says yes to things to be acceptable in the society , after knowing also they themselves don't want to leave that trap..We only want to be like that "caged" for years and years and blame it on our fate or otherwise...
Why dnt we let ourselves freed and look beyond the household and the chores, why dont we rise above this discrimition and be someone who is equally contributing to the  relationship. Why can't we offer the next generation freedom of thought and action? Not teaching them the role that's  defined from ages but to teach them to be themselves by accepting who they really are, that whatever way they choose will be the best and whatever will happen, there still will be a way! Lets be the change we want to see..

  

Of intensity and vulnerability

Some or the other time in our life we come across  people who are like the right fit to "your"  definition of a perfect person , suddenly your whole life changes, the routine becomes peppier and life becomes more peaceful; when in the back of your mind you know is that person is there along your side.

Enhancing it further the other person also makes you believe that they feel the same intensity and chemistry to hang around with  you. Its certainly funny that you believe that "this is it" and your search for that perfect person is stopped, you open your arms heart and mind to welcome this new arrival of emotions and surge into the idea of this deep relation where your mind thinks likewise and your idea of life aligns but alas! Life is not as rosy as we think about it. Y

our words make you vulnerable and makes it easy for that person to either leave or tone down. I don't know how that happens that a fraction of second can fade away all memories!

As a younger person in my life I was a dreamer someone who was rebellious and filmy at the same time, I was under an illusion of perfect friendships and other relationships I was always sure that someone will come always to pamper and rescue me in the end as I was mostly the center of attention thanks to the set of multiskills I have! But I forgot that all that attention and appreciations are generally  short lived and does not survive for the lengths of time, and that I realized a bit later.

Gradually I started hating the fact that why am I so intense and why only does it affects me only so badly . I always looked for constant people and not erratic because my system doesn't accepts that. I have always been a slave of overthinking and mostly that lands me in vain, then later I thought and thought and came to a conclusion that----Sometimes we invest so much of ourselves in someone else that its hard to retrieve  its like your software just crashes in the system and you are dumbfound to act, therefore its better to invest in your own self.

As my phoenix was burning to ashes I thrived and started resurrecting myself , started loving my intensity and my depth of thoughts and all of a sudden I felt liberated, as it was only me I was worried about and only my convenience I wanted to cater to. The pleasing and not being able to say no was reformed to -- suiting my convenience and saying NO as and when I could do things without stretching myself. 

Current State: I am happy. liberated. Intense. Unconventional. Maverick. full of Self love . someone with no expectations

As human beings we are somehow programmed to work around a goal whether long term or short term. There are some people who just search for it all their lives and then there are some who find it easy enough. I urge you to find a goal and work around it, you will love your energy flowing in those directions rather than people and certain relationships... a goal always keeps you grounded and deep rooted to what you are and where you want to go. Pursue a goal and work hard if you also are an intense like me...life is harder for people like us.... but we in our heart are the happiest because we don't give any less than 100 percent to anything we do.

Wipe off the Temerity

Its disheartening to see when today's world treats simplicity with mediocrity and showoff with grandeur. It disappointing to locate people around you so indulged in their own selves that the humility and kindness are fading away...
That every kind gesture is taken for granted and that each word of yours makes you vulnerable enough to be commented upon Its really sad that the world enjoys negativity  in such a fruitful way,that every luxury is just treated as a mere average.
It make my heart twich to feel where are we heading and what do we achieve in turning the people down everytime inspite of their best efforts.i wish we become a change and stand out in this world, where we recognize everyone for their efforts instead of measuring their importance to us.

Its a sinking feeling but we shall arise eventually where we will give respect to relations..things..friendships..where loyalties will find its set places, where not everything or everyone readily available will be just overlooked  . Everyone is unique  with their own value system and has something different to offer to our set of skills. Start here. Start now. Be the change, value the universe! Work hard, Stay Humble.

Just Stay

Stand as a rock with me , I need your hand in mine..
These winds are harsh for me alone to survive...
I will need u in darkness, I will need you in sunshine..
Stay along with me,bear me for a little more time..
I know i have no worth against your shine
But i will still hop along waiting for you to align..
I am not as strong as I look..i too look around for familiar smile..
I might sound confident, i may look proud but without you I can't even rise.
Thoughts are numerous and words are very few to define,
What your presence mean to me and where you stand in my life..
You are the morning's first ray which gives me energy to suffice..
With you i can conquer the world and bypass any rough tide.
Stand by me , i am weak without you ,you make and break me...so please put with me because i say it very few time.
Just stay !

Parenting - The second time

When my first one was born i was on the cloud 9 you know that excitement to become the parents for the very first time, you want be the perfect with all the firsts .Starting from feeding them till umpteen number of hours, reading story books,making them brush twice,teaching them all the GK they can like shapes ..numbers..letters,getting them all kind of toys,loading them with the newest fashion, you know like you want to be a perfect parent.

Then after you complete all the cliched cycles of potty training, breastfeeding, terrible twos ,teething and cleaning all the pukes and poops in between as you come out of the first time mommy depression ,thats when you think that the your first born needs a company and then you get into this vicious circle of parenting the second time.. and believe me there lies a trap!

My second one came when my first one  was 3.3 years old, and it was damn tough for me...although many people do in a much lesser difference than this but God only knows how they manage... so now i had two little boy bunches with my handsful i set on a brigade called motherhood..by the way the word 'Mother' has an army on its own...where somehow you get super powers of Hindu Goddesses like spinning on your feet around the kids with 2 hands working like 10 extended hands in one single day around varied tasks..

When my second one arrived we were on cloud 9 again....it felt complete and enticing .First few months were like a honeymoon ...i  loved to cuddle and snuggle the baby...because i knew that the time will fly and he will outgrow my lap...as the time went i  learnt so much ; my second one is  a much difficult child...he would regress to sleep..eat and pacify. But that stage also passed on with a hope of a better tommorow..

Then came a time when my first one started his preschool and the younger one started walking it was a chaos with whom to handle first and then you learn the art of attending them on single turn basis...but come on my elder one was just 4 how could i expect him to be that understanding but he did...he somehow got matured by the face of the situations...

As the time went my elder one was 5 and the younger one was 1.5 there were different hardships but we had fun as a team! My younger one was teething...trying to talk...trying to eat  on his own while my elder one was learning languages (read and write) at school..i could somehow manage to catch up with my nap and other interests when my younger one used to sleep ( which was hardly an hour with a gap of every 10 min in between to put him to sleep all over again) and i learnt how to manage ...my time and theirs...believe me even 24 hours seem less to me even now..
So today my elder one is 6 and the younger one  is 2.9 and the challenges have multiplied now i know what it is to be a mother of two boys...fighting for the same toy , tv remote (switching between baby tv and Nickelodeon) and numerous other things ...where you cant choose side and the gyan of sharing doesn't suffice...but i get more time of my own as the younger one goes to a play school but he still keeps me on toes..his cuddles are amazing, the way he just circles around me the whole day is flattering and annoying at the same time...

There are days of disagreement, scolding, frustration,wearout but when they both are not around even for 2 hours i miss them alot..they are more of my buddies than my boys..everyday i am learning patience, compassion ,being a listener,a referee ,a pacifier and still holding my senses together at the end of the day..watching them sleep brings a smile on my face with a full day's flashback.

But i must confess that the second time parenting is much of a cheating than the first one..the efforts are definitely less..the dedication is reduced because you have two to look forward too ... but the younger siblings still are always smarter,they learn quicker and  know their way out and the irony is you know it as a parent but still you don't do much about it..you just pass it on...being a more stronger ,smarter parent.

Seeking Validation

Among the whistling crowd i was standing and looking for a familiar face .. a face which i can recognize and smille to ...either someone from the past kept intact in the memory lanes or someone from recent present who knows me to the best of my behaviour...
Thats how we seek people in life... in the bustling streets if we bump into meeting someone we know the smile just takes the whole space...thats how important people are to us .
From the people we don't seek for familiarity but for validation! The things which we are doing becomes much much more worthwhile with the validation of others that our own self confidence gets sideline. . Validation comes in existence in so many ways whether from society,family or friends.
Seeking a companionship is another kind of it...its like validating our existence...they say you should love the person who loves you, who accepts you as you are , who sets you free all this is nothing more than a validation to oneself that you are the best and we love you as you are (thats how selfish the human kind is)
We are always looking for our type of people...people who fine tune with us...with same wavelengths like ours again basically for the validation where you are not challenged for the way you are instead boasted and praised for what you are... in friendships its easy to manage this arrangement but in relationships you have to balance and those non validating moments create rifts and nonabsolving fights...thats how fondly we seek validation.
A mere acquaintance in a complete new place makes us feel like someone close enough to function we are more confident in that space and all the insecurities vanishes.. we wait for the validation of being called nice...beautiful...slim...sexy...sharp...crazy...hep and the list goes on thanks to the social media platform to make it even worse for us..and one of the recent examples for validation are Sarahah where anonymity validates us even more..but the exciting part of validation is it makes us believe much more than what we are.
The tight schedules of today's culture makes the physical presence impossible therefore  these social platforms are gaining more importance thats the only way we get the validation from people.
Why for our existences and choices we look for acceptance? Why can't we set ourselves free and leave it on the the outcome to decide? Why we want people to review us from time to time? Be yourself and be free and see how it turns your life around..even if its good for noone but you, you will be glad to do it for your own self!
Seeking validation is still fine but just be dependent on it for every decision or self review can be discouraging and harmful. Know yourself and beam about it and don't wait for any kind of validation to happen for yourself...because come what may its you who knows yourself the best not the validation which is coming your way..

Overboard with emotions!

My amplifying emotions has been always a problem with me..in all my relationships on this planet i always have given more than the other person could give...Had it ever happen to you where you have been standing only on the sending end?
How much can you give and if you don't recieve the same frequency how much can you emit ?

In similar situations the frequency dies a slow death because you are constantly trying to match two things a) expectation of that relationship in your head and b) the frequency of the other person and whilst the process your own frequency changes.

I always indulge more emotionally like a fool waiting to be made fun of ! After suffering also it didn't change my intensity...it hurts when you are totally in it and the other person just takes you lightly...i think because you become too much available , too much available to talk , to text as you keep the person on priority and not because you are free and unoccupied.The other person doesn't realise it and takes you for granted...and i hate this part!

Why doesnt you recieve as much as you give? When i can invest my lengths n breadths of emotions in a relationship , why not recieve the same passion. I know people are different an blah blah . But the simple rule of life says - what you give is what you get !  What is the use of Karma if it gives it back to you in form of other people , and not in that particular relation?I feel a relationship is  futile if it is not intense!

So the theories of may be you weren't meant to be together or it was not suppose to last also doesnt solves my curiosity! If you can recieve why can't you give back ? Either stop being on the recieving end at all or just respond! People all their lives can't decide what are they looking for , when they can't identify they even loose what they already have.

Life doesn't gives second chances... always value what you get whether it is small or big but the other person is investing emotionally,you might not fall for it initially but eventually you will realise that this is what you have been seeking. So if you ever get lucky recieving the mountains of emotions and love , don't fear to climb it ...every step of it will be worth your time.