Parenting - The second time

When my first one was born i was on the cloud 9 you know that excitement to become the parents for the very first time, you want be the perfect with all the firsts .Starting from feeding them till umpteen number of hours, reading story books,making them brush twice,teaching them all the GK they can like shapes ..numbers..letters,getting them all kind of toys,loading them with the newest fashion, you know like you want to be a perfect parent.

Then after you complete all the cliched cycles of potty training, breastfeeding, terrible twos ,teething and cleaning all the pukes and poops in between as you come out of the first time mommy depression ,thats when you think that the your first born needs a company and then you get into this vicious circle of parenting the second time.. and believe me there lies a trap!

My second one came when my first one  was 3.3 years old, and it was damn tough for me...although many people do in a much lesser difference than this but God only knows how they manage... so now i had two little boy bunches with my handsful i set on a brigade called motherhood..by the way the word 'Mother' has an army on its own...where somehow you get super powers of Hindu Goddesses like spinning on your feet around the kids with 2 hands working like 10 extended hands in one single day around varied tasks..

When my second one arrived we were on cloud 9 again....it felt complete and enticing .First few months were like a honeymoon ...i  loved to cuddle and snuggle the baby...because i knew that the time will fly and he will outgrow my lap...as the time went i  learnt so much ; my second one is  a much difficult child...he would regress to sleep..eat and pacify. But that stage also passed on with a hope of a better tommorow..

Then came a time when my first one started his preschool and the younger one started walking it was a chaos with whom to handle first and then you learn the art of attending them on single turn basis...but come on my elder one was just 4 how could i expect him to be that understanding but he did...he somehow got matured by the face of the situations...

As the time went my elder one was 5 and the younger one was 1.5 there were different hardships but we had fun as a team! My younger one was teething...trying to talk...trying to eat  on his own while my elder one was learning languages (read and write) at school..i could somehow manage to catch up with my nap and other interests when my younger one used to sleep ( which was hardly an hour with a gap of every 10 min in between to put him to sleep all over again) and i learnt how to manage ...my time and theirs...believe me even 24 hours seem less to me even now..
So today my elder one is 6 and the younger one  is 2.9 and the challenges have multiplied now i know what it is to be a mother of two boys...fighting for the same toy , tv remote (switching between baby tv and Nickelodeon) and numerous other things ...where you cant choose side and the gyan of sharing doesn't suffice...but i get more time of my own as the younger one goes to a play school but he still keeps me on toes..his cuddles are amazing, the way he just circles around me the whole day is flattering and annoying at the same time...

There are days of disagreement, scolding, frustration,wearout but when they both are not around even for 2 hours i miss them alot..they are more of my buddies than my boys..everyday i am learning patience, compassion ,being a listener,a referee ,a pacifier and still holding my senses together at the end of the day..watching them sleep brings a smile on my face with a full day's flashback.

But i must confess that the second time parenting is much of a cheating than the first one..the efforts are definitely less..the dedication is reduced because you have two to look forward too ... but the younger siblings still are always smarter,they learn quicker and  know their way out and the irony is you know it as a parent but still you don't do much about it..you just pass it on...being a more stronger ,smarter parent.

Seeking Validation

Among the whistling crowd i was standing and looking for a familiar face .. a face which i can recognize and smille to ...either someone from the past kept intact in the memory lanes or someone from recent present who knows me to the best of my behaviour...
Thats how we seek people in life... in the bustling streets if we bump into meeting someone we know the smile just takes the whole space...thats how important people are to us .
From the people we don't seek for familiarity but for validation! The things which we are doing becomes much much more worthwhile with the validation of others that our own self confidence gets sideline. . Validation comes in existence in so many ways whether from society,family or friends.
Seeking a companionship is another kind of it...its like validating our existence...they say you should love the person who loves you, who accepts you as you are , who sets you free all this is nothing more than a validation to oneself that you are the best and we love you as you are (thats how selfish the human kind is)
We are always looking for our type of people...people who fine tune with us...with same wavelengths like ours again basically for the validation where you are not challenged for the way you are instead boasted and praised for what you are... in friendships its easy to manage this arrangement but in relationships you have to balance and those non validating moments create rifts and nonabsolving fights...thats how fondly we seek validation.
A mere acquaintance in a complete new place makes us feel like someone close enough to function we are more confident in that space and all the insecurities vanishes.. we wait for the validation of being called nice...beautiful...slim...sexy...sharp...crazy...hep and the list goes on thanks to the social media platform to make it even worse for us..and one of the recent examples for validation are Sarahah where anonymity validates us even more..but the exciting part of validation is it makes us believe much more than what we are.
The tight schedules of today's culture makes the physical presence impossible therefore  these social platforms are gaining more importance thats the only way we get the validation from people.
Why for our existences and choices we look for acceptance? Why can't we set ourselves free and leave it on the the outcome to decide? Why we want people to review us from time to time? Be yourself and be free and see how it turns your life around..even if its good for noone but you, you will be glad to do it for your own self!
Seeking validation is still fine but just be dependent on it for every decision or self review can be discouraging and harmful. Know yourself and beam about it and don't wait for any kind of validation to happen for yourself...because come what may its you who knows yourself the best not the validation which is coming your way..