Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Life being a 'Control freak'

I've had it, and I am so done with being a control freak. I feel like a jerk most of the times like making fool of myself with this ocd of mine. I have tried to go with the flow...in th moment  but am unknowingly back to the square one...me with my excruciating ocd.
By saying being a control freak don't misunderstand me with controlling people, its about self. A constant voice in the head demanding you to do a thing in a particular mannner, at particular time. Its like a tap on the head in few minutes or so for something or the another.
Like any basic day filled with so much of moral code, rules and a pattern to take care off!Often I am filled with utmost pride and a fewer times with frustration too..because it holds me tight at all times and there are no bounds of rescue..
I am so trapped thats its difficult to enjoy the nitty gritties; I have not known in my circle of friends anyone who is also a control freak...or they might be but atleast they r not visible and imposing on the people around.

I want a day without a routine, a day of utter nonsense like the state of being zero...being lazy..like a couch potato..without the nagging in the head about taking a hot shower...or say following the code...or cooking a proper meal...or staying organised and well placed.

For once I want the that voice out of me...not wanting me to behave ideally, there are so many to do lists which cannot start before this voice dips down! I want my sanity back to be myself for a while. 
Do you know anyone like me..if you do pls share how to tackle and reduce it with time.

1 comment:

  1. Awesome words Saloni..can't write much here..but even i find myself coveting this control freak mind of mine..and landing nowhere but in culpability..
    just loved it..so close to mind ;-)